you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
