Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
