I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
