If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
