It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
