I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
