Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
