If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
