I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
