so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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