Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
