Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
