oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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