i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
