so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
