C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
