..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
