My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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