September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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