honey bunches of taint.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
