I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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