My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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