I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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