So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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