Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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