and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
