i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
