He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
