You're my little dorito
You're like the curious george of whores
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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