Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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