We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
