so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
