remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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