I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
