I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
