I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
