My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
