We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
