Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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