They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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