my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
