I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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