I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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