Buhtt sex?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
His hands were made for my vagina.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
