At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
