Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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