I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
