just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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