I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
