Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
