Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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