I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
